I’m okay; But not today.
July 6, 2013- 23:01
I’ve been thinking a lot these days. Asking (I don’t know, maybe myself) why on earth am i still alone?(I mean , not literally alone, but romantically ALONE)..
I don’t know where to start, but as to what my heart is feeling right now, i think its in its melancholic stage at this very moment (thanks to my Tumblr background music: Its add to the loneliness of my empty heart)
I came across my friend’s Facebook account (because I saw a familiar surname). and Geezz!.. She’s in relationship with that familiar creature.
I’m really good at it.. So good at it.. You know, hiding, pretending, fooling myself.. Telling others I’m okay but absolutely not. Maybe yes. I’m okay. Sometimes.. Believe me. There are moments where I’m so much overwhelmed and contented with my life. And those times are just so perfect that I almost forgot that I’m lonely because I’m alone. That I’m happy even though I’m single just by being with my family, friends, and even people who looked up into me. Simple as that. On the other hand, honestly, some of those moments made me think of the quote “Money can’t buy happiness” . Hey! sometimes, IT DOES. Maybe?
To connect the dots;
Upon seeing my friend’s account, (actually I stalked her account, you know, scrolling,scrolling) I suddenly felt so sad. I don’t know. Maybe I miss (not the person) the feeling of having someone. Maybe i suddenly need love, care, and security from someone. Yestermonths, was an awesome feeling for me. Sadness even left me during those times. But lately (I mean few hours before) I was down and kind of sad. “How come he has someone while I have no one? What’s wrong with me? Am i really incapable of having both happiness in both my studies and love? ” ; my everyday dillemma.
It’s been years since my ex and i broke up. Now that I’m emotionally stable(or maybe not yet? 🙂 ), maybe its time to find my someone. (but where can i find him?) it kills me inside knowing that he’s nowhere to be found..
Long sigh. Its one of those days again.Maybe im OK… But not today….